tradition
Anyone who longs for holiday tradition should take a peek inside my December. This is one of my family traditions I really look forward to:
The second Saturday of every December we get together early in the morning for the Christmas tree farm excursion. Rain or shine. Thank goodness we do not trek out into the mountains in search of the perfect tree as we used to when I was growing up. Now it’s my brothers and their families, solo me and my mom and dad. We head out in a convoy of 3 SUVs loaded with kids and even a couple of dogs.
After much discussion and deliberation, we drink hot cocoa while the trees are loaded atop the vehicles. Then its a few hours of unloading and set up. Oldest brother’s first, then middle brother’s, mine and then our parents’. The decorating is left to each individual household except for our parents’. At their house we eat a hearty lunch and dive into the boxes of ornaments. Mom is a fancy-pants type lady. You’d think that her Christmas tree was of the designer –type; a department store gem, but alas, she is a true sentimental, loading her tree with nostalgia from Christmases past. Decorating the family tree is like taking a trip down Memory Lane. The boxes hold all types of ornaments. Grade-school treasures, family and individual vacation mementos, personal achievements, first year married, baby’s first Christmas, kids’ and grandkids’ sports and activities, milestones of any and every kind. Plus there’s an ornament from every year my parents have been married. They pick one out together each year the weekend after Thanksgiving.
“Lookie here, Dayna,” mom said with teasing in her voice. It’s hard to tell what she came across. I cringed when I saw the ornament she was holding up. A photo frame made of fabric – the one I made in Home Ed in 10th grade. The photo inside was of me and Jesse at that fall’s homecoming dance. I’d been so proud of the frame that earned me an “A” but more proud of the boyfriend I had that year.
Ugh!
My brother immediately changed the mood by ruffling my hair and yelling “Nice dress! And look at that awful Tux!”
The whole room erupted in laughter as the ornament was passed around. I cringed as I thought of Jesse getting married next year. He’d hesitated when my mom had invited him to our tree decorating party today. Said he already had plans. He hasn’t missed it in the past couple of years since he came back into my (our) lives. I guess it’s different for him now with his fiancé and other things to occupy his time than hanging out with my family.
After hot drinks and appetizers we went to the parade. So much fun to watch the faces of my nephews and nieces when the Santa Claus float finally comes down the street! Then there’s the Christmas tree lighting and bon fire in the park followed by live Christmas music to sing and dance to.
I expected to see Jesse. I looked forward to it actually because I haven’t met his fiancé yet. I hadn’t expected him to be so standoffish or his girl to be so snotty. I was completely taken aback by them. My brother spotted them first and went over to say hello. I followed with a smile on my face that quickly evaporated when he said a generic greeting and tight introduction to his fiancé. She nodded and said a quiet “hi” all the while looking me up and down.
“That was weird.” I whispered as they walked away. The entire conversation lasted about 2 minutes and consisted of talk about the weather, and a no to the invitation to come by for a drink afterwards.
“Yeah, weird. I don’t like his girlfriend.” My brother said.
“So it’s not just me, then?” I worried that I’d been too sensitive or that I’d exaggerated it somehow.
“No. And she does not seem like his type. Weird.” He shrugged it off and we joined our family. It really bothered me though. I thought he’d found a great gal. Although no one had met her, we all assumed she’d be a good match for him. Maybe so for the new, unanimated Jesse.
Huh.
Comments
Jesse's fiance is likely intimidated by your history...I'm not saying that makes their snub right, but its likely the cause. Those that lack self confidence or are prone to jealousy will always react in this way. And, Jesse's loyalties are no longer to you, so he has to "play her little game" and ignore you as if you don't exist. Inside, he may think its silly, and he may really want to give you a hug and catch up. Knowing he may have to spend the next 3 weeks rationalizing the hug to his fiance, he chose the path of least resistance....Don't take it personally.
I'm trying to not take it personally :) I know it's not always about me, right?
You've got it right on the mark too. I thought those exact things myself. I hope she is just lacking self confidence and will get over it if and when she ever gets to know me and my family - who has been a big part of Jesse's life (he bought my dad's company for crissakes!) If its jealousy, I wish him luck because that never goes well. I feel bad that he has to "play her little game" at all ~ but, yes I do understand why he is.
I did get a Christmas card from him that had an apology written inside. He knows he's going about it all wrong, but it's his life, right? More than anything else it bothers me that he's pairing up with someone who wants him to change so drastically. *sigh* Apparently the cost for being himself is too high.