... it was my friend Abby that called to tell me this.  She'd been away from the area for a long time globetrotting; trying to find herself.  She met an Australian while back-packing through Europe two years ago.  She moved to his home country and started a bed and breakfast on the Gold Coast.

I am of course over-the-moon happy for her and a bit jealous too. *sigh*

My apologies to friends in my hood who thought it was ME!  I was overly excited to post it, forgot to say who it was about and didn't realize it would cause such a reaction - my PM box was FULL today! 

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well almost married and with child - on the way ;)

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“Dayna!”  Mel snapped into my ear through the phone. “Did you hear me?!”

“Yeah I did,” I sighed.

“Well.  Don’t you have an opinion?  Wait.  You already knew huh?”

I was thinking about exactly how much I knew.  I knew the line of his jaw lying on the pillow next to mine.  I knew the pattern of his breathing as he slept.  I knew the color of his hair as the weak sunlight slipped in through the window.  I knew way too much about Jesse.

“How long have you known?” Mel wanted to know.

“Not long,” I lied.

Long enough to be helplessly happy with Jesse.  And completely miserable that our actions had made him make a life-altering decision.  Well maybe that’s a stretch considering he was considering calling off his engagement before that day I spent with him:

I sat across the table from him and smiled.  He was gorgeous in a rugged, construction worker way.  You know, like that TV commercial where the ladies are watching the man working outside their office building.  He’s sweating away and slowly pulls off his shirt revealing tight 6-pack abs, glistening in perspiration.  He leans back and takes a long swallow of Diet Coke.

“DAYNA!”  He slaps his hand down on the table.  “Hello!  Are you even listening to me?  Where were you just now?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something.”

“Something sinful by the look in your glossed-over eyes.  If you’re fantasizing about me, you know it can become a reality”

“That’s funny.  You know I don’t date taken men.”

“Who said anything about dating?”

I thought about how tempting it was.  I was wondering what it would be like to fuck Jesse.  Adult sex, not the fumbling teenager sex we tried many years ago.  This was his proposition a few years back, when we first re-connected during his separation and also further back before I married my stupid ex-husband.  I still wonder what made me hold back.  Probably the memory he held so dear of sweet Dayna.  No use in ruining that and getting him acquainted with this Dayna.  It was better for him to think of me as a nice girl.  Also kept the spark between us alive and who doesn’t like that?  But still…he’d be off the market for good soon and I wondered if I would ever regret not doing it when I am old and looking back at my life? 

I’d run into Jesse when we were both helping family friends with their flood dilemma.  It had been several  weeks since he’d given me the silent treatment when I saw him at Christmas. At first I gave him the cold shoulder because of the cold one he’d given me at our last meeting.  His woman wasn’t with him so he was acting his normal self.  After a couple hours of basement cleaning I’d had enough and wanted to get dry, warm and some food in me.  Just as I was backing out of the driveway, Jesse knocked on the window almost scaring the life out of me.  I reluctantly unlocked the door and let him hop in.  He was all apologies and excuses for the way he acted the last time we’d met while I said nothing.  Then he brought up what I only could guess to be true.  That he wasn’t exactly sure he was doing the right thing.  I blandly told him to call it off if he was unsure.  We picked up the pizza, brought it back to the house and pretty much didn’t say a word to each other again the rest of the day. 

I don’t know how I got to this point – sitting across from him in a bar.

Jesse was rambling on about his fiancé.  How she’d made the decision to postpone the wedding.  How right now she was in California sorting out her feelings.  It didn’t look good for them.  Was I happy about that?  No, not really.  Exhausted for being his friend to lean on?  Yes. 

His justification speech was boring me half to tears.  I really couldn’t care less if they broke up or not.  I never considered them a real item to begin with.  I kept envisioning his lips on mine, moving down my neck to that hollow spot I love so much; his hands in my hair, pulling my head back with gentle force; his other hand on my ass, pushing my pelvis into his.  His tongue is caressing my cleavage as his fingers fumble with the buttons on my blouse.  I can taste the salt from my own body as he comes back up to kiss me deeply.

He had stopped talking.  I snapped out of the daydream and smiled at him. 

“Come on, Dayna.  Let’s go down to my boat and go for a cruise.”

I didn’t know what to say.  Part of me said no, but the other part of me said YES!  And so within ten minutes of leaving the bar, we were on his boat.  In his house actually since he lived on the “Darling Dana”.

“You might want to change the boat’s name, Jess.  Your wife won’t like that she has the same name as me.”

“She wasn’t named after you, you know.”

I was nervous.  What did he want?  What did I want?  My libido was driving me to do things I might regret.  But then again wasn’t I being presumptuous about this invitation?  Jesse had always let me lead the way.  No pressure; always what I wanted.  Maybe he was hoping for what I was wanting right this minute.  I didn’t know what to say.  Weren’t we going out on the water?  If so, why were we down in the galley?  Shouldn’t he be starting the boat up and getting her untied?

And then it happened.  His lips were on mine, and then down my neck to that hollow spot, lingering there for what seemed like an eternity.  My hands were rigid at my side.  My nipples were already impossibly hard. 

His hands were in my hair, his mouth searching out mine.   My mind was swimming. It felt so good; so right; so wrong.

Just as suddenly, he stopped.  He was very still, hands still on either side of my head.  I opened my eyes and saw his eyes looking right into mine, searching.  He looked so serious.  So tortured. So vulnerable. So desirable.

I raised my hands up and placed them on each side of his face, leaned in and kissed him with all I had.

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Hello Vox Neighbors,

Yes, it is I, returning to VoxLand to leave you a brief but much deserved message

I've been busy

I've been lazy

I've been naughty and didn't want to tell anyone about it

So...my wheels are turning and I'm thinking of how this is going to go

Give me just a little more time

It'll be worth the wait

I promise

x

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I’m finally able to catch my breath after a round of rotten weather in these parts.  I am lucky enough to live on higher ground so the flooding we experienced last week in our region didn’t hit me.  It did however hit many, many people I know and love.  I’ve had lots of houseguests.  Ten in all over the course of eight days.  I was so happy to have been able to offer a warm dry place to stay while their houses flooded out or were not able to get to their house due to roads being under water or wiped out by a mood slide.  Only one friend was able to go back to live in her house – the rest have found other places to stay with the help of the Red Cross.

And of course the cleanup has been brutal.  Ground floors destroyed with all their belongings.  Entire house remodels are to be expected. 

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Champagne cocktail $9

Champagne Cocktail

Strappy sandals $94

Strappy Sandals

Party dress…$200

Party Dress

Look on my face after RICK asked me to dance…

Priceless

I’m sure my face was contorted as I tried to mask my feelings of shock, horror and happiness.

I wanted to run, scream, slap him, kiss him.

All I could muster was a weak “sure” and headed to the dance floor.

He'd come out of nowhere.  The element of surprise was his advantage.  What was he doing here?  How long had he been here?  I was confused and pleased; annoyed and angry.

The song was an awkward tempo: not fast, not slow.  A medium-paced song that leaves the dance floor half empty. I looked at him and his cocky half smile.  I took in his straight white teeth and fresh-shaved face.  His expensive-looking shirt and the scent of his distinct cologne.  My stomach did a flip when he took my hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it.  I pulled it back quickly and thanked God the song was over and I could retreat back to my table.

The girls at the table looked curious as I sat down, ignoring the good-looking man following behind me.  I needed a second to get my composure.  He’d been gone from my life a long time and I thought my feelings for him - the good, the bad and the ugly - were subsiding.  I was wrong.  The chaos inside my head was overwhelming.

I never even thought about what I’d do in a situation like this because I never thought in a million years this would happen.  Utterly unprepared was I.  I’d put my defenses up; play it cool and uncaring.  But my heart won out as I realized I was just so damned happy to see him.  Playing games takes too much energy.

“Do you want to sit down?” Sandi asked Rick as she gestured to the chair next to mine that she’d vacated.  Rick looked at me questioningly as he sat.  I made the introductions then started firing off all the questions I had for him.  The club was loud, making our conversation difficult so I gave up.  Pretty much all I got was that his aunt had passed away; he was in Washington taking care of arrangements, was here with his cousin and was so glad to see me.  There was no way I was going to let bitterness ruin this reunion.  It could be a fun night, he’d leave in a few days and we’d get the good closure we didn’t get the last time we met.

Rick’s cousin joined us and we all danced and laughed and the hours ticked by like minutes.  I was having a really good time and was surprised when the countdown to midnight started.  Everyone in the club was chanting the numbers along with the newscasters at the Space Needle event on the big screen TV.  A collective “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” was yelled, glasses were raised, horns were blown and I got kissed.  A big, friendly, meant-to-be-platonic New Year’s kiss, but my heart flipped just the same.  I hugged Rick, said Happy New Year, and then excused myself to the ladies’ room.

He was waiting for me when I came out.  Waiting in the little alcove tucked to the side of the restroom entrances.  His smile was genuine as I walked toward him.  He took a step to close the distance and with one hand behind my head and the other on my waist, kissed me in a not meant-to-be-platonic way.

The warm glow I had was keeping me from resisting.  I had thought about this all evening, though I knew I shouldn’t and now his lips were on mine, moving down my neck.  His hand moved to my ass, pushing my pelvis into his.  I could taste the salt from my own body as he came back up to kiss me deeply.  It was much too much for a public place, even if we were out of the way of the main traffic.

“God, Dayna,” he sighed.  “I’ve missed you so much.”

I was speechless. The champagne, or probably the kiss, had cluttered my mind.  I smiled weakly and took his hands off my waist, still holding them in mine.  It would be the easiest thing in the world to tell him the same and take him home.  It would be so wonderful, I knew, but it was wrong for me.  All wrong.  I wasn’t capable of a hook-up with him.  After all this time I knew I still had feelings and a one-nighter would hurt me more than help me.  The memories of how good it was with him were tempting me.  I felt like a woman in a cartoon with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other – both telling her how to act.  The devil wanted self gratification and a good-bye fuck while the angel warned of all the trouble he’d caused me.

I sighed.

“I’ve tried hard to not think of you so I wouldn’t miss you. And that’s why I have to leave now.  Happy New Year, Rick.  Take care.”  I dropped his hands and started to walk away.  He was right at my side within seconds. 

“Let me drive you home.”

“It’s a bad idea.  Please, let’s talk tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he said reluctantly.

He walked with me to the exit and opened the cab door for me.  He leaned in and kissed me again, a goodnight kiss absent of the longing I felt in the last one. 

“Tomorrow…” he said as he closed the door.  I looked away but I was not quick enough.  His crooked grin was etched on my mind as I sat in silence on the ride home.

I was proud of myself for not giving in – as hard as it was.  It felt good to make the right choice.

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This New Year’s Eve will be a bit different from the ones I’ve known.  At dinner over at my parents’ tonight, my dad dropped the bomb that they aren’t having their annual party.

My brother is having the party at my parents' former home.  There’ll be a lot of people there that he and his wife have invited - ones that I don't necessarily know.  My mom and dad wanted to pass the baton to them because their new house is smaller and a lot of their friends wanted to stay home this year.  They can’t house us all like before (we all stayed in our old bedrooms) So that tradition definitely had to come to an end.  I feel weird about it.  So many years I've spent New Year's with my family and close friends at my parents' party.   A lot has changed this year and maybe a new way to start the New Year is in order too.  A compromise has been made: everyone will do what they want on the Eve and we’ll come together as a family on New Year’s Day for brunch at the folks’. 

For a quick minute I thought I’d stay the night with mom and dad anyway.  Watch Dick Clark’s special, drink whiskey and sprite, and fall asleep on the couch after the Space Needle fireworks celebration on TV got over.  My dad put a stop to that.

“Dayna, you are much too young to be staying in with your folks.  Don’t you have a party of your own to go to?  Your friends must have something going on.  You need to be out with other people your age.”

“I like being with you all, Dad,” I protested.  I was having a hard time visualizing ringing in the New Year with a bunch of people I barely knew at some random party.  To me, it’s about reflecting on the old year, saying goodbye to the good and the bad it held and looking optimistically ahead surrounded by those who love me and whom I love.  Even if that means spending the evening doing something a little on the dull side.  This was just his way of getting me out there in the potential dating pool. 

“I’m happy the way things are, Dad.”  It was a loaded statement.  Happy that I’m dateless on New Year’s, happy I’m mate-less, happy to stay in on the biggest party night of the year.  He knew it wasn’t entirely true.  I looked at his tired face and felt his love for me.  I know what the one thing left for him to do in this life is: see his only daughter completely content.  It’s a tall order but I should at least let him believe that I’m trying.

“Okay!  I’ll find some friends and hit the town.  Happy?”

“You can tell me all about it over bloody marys on New Year’s Day.  That tradition will never change.”

So I am in on the Girls Night Out with Sandi and some others. I’ll dress up and go to the casino’s dance club; I’ll have a good time and ring in the New Year a completely foreign-to-me way.  Sandi is excited.  She has a table reserved by the dance floor and reservations for our group at the nice restaurant in the casino.  My choices were limited and this seemed like the more fun of my option.  It was either hang with the single ladies or else go to Mel’s party where everyone is paired up and I’d be a fifth wheel all night.  As much as I love Mel, I couldn’t bear what possibly could turn into the most depressing night of the year.

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Anyone who longs for holiday tradition should take a peek inside my December.  This is one of my family traditions I really look forward to:

The second Saturday of every December we get together early in the morning for the Christmas tree farm excursion.  Rain or shine.  Thank goodness we do not trek out into the mountains in search of the perfect tree as we used to when I was growing up.  Now it’s my brothers and their families, solo me and my mom and dad.  We head out in a convoy of 3 SUVs loaded with kids and even a couple of dogs.

After much discussion and deliberation, we drink hot cocoa while the trees are loaded atop the vehicles.  Then its a few hours of unloading and set up.  Oldest brother’s first, then middle brother’s, mine and then our parents’.  The decorating is left to each individual household except for our parents’.  At their house we eat a hearty lunch and dive into the boxes of ornaments.  Mom is a fancy-pants type lady.  You’d think that her Christmas tree was of the designer –type; a department store gem, but alas, she is a true sentimental, loading her tree with nostalgia from Christmases past.  Decorating the family tree is like taking a trip down Memory Lane.  The boxes hold all types of ornaments.  Grade-school treasures, family and individual vacation mementos, personal achievements, first year married, baby’s first Christmas, kids’ and grandkids’ sports and activities, milestones of any and every kind.  Plus there’s an ornament from every year my parents have been married.  They pick one out together each year the weekend after Thanksgiving.

“Lookie here, Dayna,” mom said with teasing in her voice.  It’s hard to tell what she came across.  I cringed when I saw the ornament she was holding up.  A photo frame made of fabric – the one I made in Home Ed in 10^th grade.  The photo inside was of me and Jesse at that fall’s homecoming dance.  I’d been so proud of the frame that earned me an “A” but more proud of the boyfriend I had that year.

Ugh!

My brother immediately changed the mood by ruffling my hair and yelling “Nice dress!  And look at that awful Tux!” 

The whole room erupted in laughter as the ornament was passed around.  I cringed as I thought of Jesse getting married next year.  He’d hesitated when my mom had invited him to our tree decorating party today.  Said he already had plans.  He hasn’t missed it in the past couple of years since he came back into my (our) lives.  I guess it’s different for him now with his fiancé and other things to occupy his time than hanging out with my family.

After hot drinks and appetizers we went to the parade.  So much fun to watch the faces of my nephews and nieces when the Santa Claus float finally comes down the street!  Then there’s the Christmas tree lighting and bon fire in the park followed by live Christmas music to sing and dance to.

I expected to see Jesse.  I looked forward to it actually because I haven’t met his fiancé yet.  I hadn’t expected him to be so standoffish or his girl to be so snotty.  I was completely taken aback by them.  My brother spotted them first and went over to say hello.  I followed with a smile on my face that quickly evaporated when he said a generic greeting and tight introduction to his fiancé.  She nodded and said a quiet “hi” all the while looking me up and down.

“That was weird.” I whispered as they walked away.  The entire conversation lasted about 2 minutes and consisted of talk about the weather, and a no to the invitation to come by for a drink afterwards.

“Yeah, weird.  I don’t like his girlfriend.” My brother said.

“So it’s not just me, then?”  I worried that I’d been too sensitive or that I’d exaggerated it somehow.

“No.  And she does not seem like his type.  Weird.”  He shrugged it off and we joined our family.  It really bothered me though.  I thought he’d found a great gal.  Although no one had met her, we all assumed she’d be a good match for him.  Maybe so for the new, unanimated Jesse.

Huh.

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Exercise Advice from Self Magazine (self.com)

I love my long training runs, but most days carving out more than an hour to work out just isn't in the cards. And when my schedule is really crammed, shoehorning a sweat session seems next to impossible.

Luckily, the fantastic fitness team at SELF let me in on a little secret: You can get an hour's worth of fitness and calorie burning in 20 short minutes. Yes, I was skeptical at first, but this fat-blasting routine is as ultraeffective as it is speedy, and the secret lies in high-intensity spurts of energy. Here's how to do it:

• Pick any cardio you like (running, swimming, the elliptical trainer). Warm up for 2 minutes at a moderate pace, then sprint for 30 seconds at the highest intensity you can muster. Slow down and do 90 seconds at a catch-your-breath recovery pace. Repeat eight times. You'll torch more calories in less time, while you burn fat faster. Follow this cardio session with a few of the following fast firmers for a total-body workout in less than 30 minutes.

• Tighten your tummy: Do two sets of 10 to 12 crunches on a stability ball. Research from the University of Auckland, Tamaki Campus, in New Zealand, revealed that using the ball makes crunches 20 percent more effective compared to hitting the floor.

• Firm up legs: Stand on left foot, hands on hips, and bring right knee to hip level in front. Trace a horizontal figure eight in front of you with knee. Then bend left knee and hop to right, landing on right foot. Repeat figure eight with left knee, then hop back to left to complete one rep. Do 10 reps, then hop back and forth 10 times to complete one set.

• Boost your bottom: Stand with feet hip-width apart, hands on waist. Shift weight to left foot and lift heel of right foot so you're resting on toes. Bend left knee and sink hips back, keeping weight off right foot (toes stay on ground). Rise up. Do 12 reps on left leg, then switch legs and repeat.

• Bare amazing arms: Holding a dumbbell in each hand, stand with feet hip-width apart. Raise arms, palms down, out and slightly forward to shoulder height. Slowly lower them behind you so weights almost touch. Do 12 reps.

• Slim all over: Stand with feet hip-width apart. Keeping legs as straight as possible, bend forward and walk hands out until they're under shoulders. Do two push-ups, then walk hands back and stand. Repeat twice, doing four push-ups, then six.

Ready for more tested toners? Check out Self.com for tips, tools and trimming tricks.

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