3 posts tagged “gage”

Last month I fell into the dark place I didn’t’ want to fall into.  I’ve been trying to pull myself out ever since I did it.

I went to his place and staked it out.  He told me he had other plans and I wanted to know who she was.

There I was sitting up the street crouched down in the front seat of my car, slightly hidden by a tree.  So immature.  And a bit psychotic.  But I wanted to know what was going on.

I felt bad for her as soon as I saw her.  Not very tall and very plain.  Light brown hair pulled into a pony tail.  I couldn’t tell if she had a nice figure because of the boxy shirt she had on.  No shape to it and horizontal stripes making it worse.  Her shorts were baggy.

The pity I felt for her was soon gone.  Ironic that my last post was about how pretty isn’t always sexy.

Gage was smiling and looking as gorgeous as ever.  He opened the passenger side car door for her.  Just before she hopped in he leaned down and kissed her.  A long kiss.  Not a platonic, you’re-like-a-sister-to-me kiss.

Huh…

So this is what he’s been doing with his time since the night he told me he had other plans that night.  It’s not like we haven’t been together since then, we definitely have but...there were more times that he dogged out on me.  I knew it would happen.  I said I wanted it to happen because he and I were not meant to be a couple. 

And to his credit, he’d made a last ditch effort to keep me the same week he’d made other plans without me:

After we met for drinks on August 15^th, we ended up back at Gage’s.  The sex was delicious.  Almost felt like a desperate good-bye to me.  I knew he was on the verge of moving on.

“Dayna, I know we’ve been through this before and I already know what you’re going to say but I need to know for sure, one last time.  Do you want to start seeing each other exclusively?”

Part of me wanted to say yes, to keep him around, and to keep this good thing going. My hesitation was his answer.

“Okay, so I think it’s time to move on then.  I want more than this and you don’t, so we should throw in the towel don’t you think?”

“I like things the way they are.  So if you really want more from me, then yes, we should end it.”

We made love one more time and after he fell asleep, I quietly left the apartment.

So here I was, the following weekend watching him and his new girl.

Gage got into the car and drove right by me.  Although I ducked down completely, there was no way he didn’t’ see my car.  About 20 minutes later my cell phone rang and I let it go to voicemail.  I was ashamed and I knew we were done so there was no reason to take his call.  His message was scathing.  He ranted and raved about how if I didn’t want him why the hell was I spying on him?  He called me a psycho and some other choice words and when the message ended because he’d used up his time, another message beeped in and he continued his tantrum. 

I’ve not called him back.  In fact the first thing I did was make an appointment with my therapist.  I’m deep in therapy this month.  I have some serious issues to work on.

It’s so weird how I can make a decision in a flash.

Gage is sleeping in my bed right now.  It’s 10:15 pm on a Wednesday evening.  We’ve been out at the lake since after work, lying in the sun, playing in the water and barbecuing with my friends who have a house on the lake.

We’ve been doing this for a month now since the weather turned nice.

I let him in.  Into my life.  My friends are jealous of my boy toy.  He’s young and gorgeous and fun and social.

So why am I on the computer writing my blog instead of in bed with Gage?

Well it goes like this:

We got home about 8:30.  To my house in which I’ve let him stay a couple of times.  Again, I’ve let him into my life.

I got things ready for the next day, got my cat in and closed the house down for the night.  We hopped into bed without showering.

I start to kiss him.  His scent is intoxicating to me.  The musky smell from his skin is part sweat, part sun and part lake water.  It arouses me beyond belief.  I start to kiss his neck, his chest, his arm.

The scent is delicious – no cologne can compete.

“What are you doing?”  He asks as I groan against his neck.

“I love how you smell.”

“Stop it, I’m a mess,” he answers.

I think he must be self conscious about not showering and try to reassure him – I tell him I love how he smells right now:  All lakey and sunny and summery.  The pheromones he’s got going on are driving me crazy.  I hop on top of him and nuzzle into his neck.

“Really, Dayna.  I need to take a shower.  I smell awful.”

I tell him we can take a shower together in a little while.  The thought of musky body parts together is turning me on.

He pushes me off and heads into the bathroom.

Huh.

So he takes a shower and I go into the living room to watch TV.

He tries to get me to come to bed with him after he’s done in the bathroom.  I tell him to go ahead, I’m taking a shower and will go to bed later.

So now he’s sleeping, I’m blogging and wondering how to break it off with him.

Am I crazy for making this the breaking point?

I’ve fallen back into my wicked ways.  Not that I was trying to be stop my habits altogether but at least I thought I’d cut back a bit.  The experience in Venice awakened my senses and made it difficult to say no when a potential lover came calling.

I was working in my office one rainy morning when my personal phone rang in the kitchen.  Annoyed by the interruption, I decided to let the machine get it.  I could hear the message as it was being left:

“Hi Dayna, this is Gage.  We met outside the bar in Seattle on St Patty’s Day.  Anyway, I was thinking it might be fun to go out sometime.  Give me a call if you get a chance.”  He went on to give me his number and best time to reach him.

I had a mental picture of him and how nice looking he was.  I’d forgotten about him; it’s been so long since we met and it was a brief meeting; I never thought he’d actually call.

I was curious so after I finished my morning work, I called back.

He lives in Seattle so we decided to meet in the middle at a bar then go from there.  I got there early as I usually do when meeting someone.  I was glad I did so that I wouldn’t miss his entrance.  He was better looking than I remember.  Maybe it was the daylight verses the street light or that I hadn’t been drinking yet but he was gorgeous.  Six foot two or three about 200 pounds and expertly dressed.  Not too casual and not dressed up; a pleasing combination in jeans, white shirt and sport coat.  His dirty blonde hair had a tousled carefree look that probably took some time to get just so.  It made think of how easy it is to achieve by taking a tumble in bed.  And so much more fun than standing in front of a mirror with a brush, gel and spray.   He spotted me watching him and his face broke into a wide smile.

We made small talk over a couple of drinks.  We both seemed at ease.  I’ve been going on dates for so long I rarely feel nervous anymore.  I can tell within a few minutes if it’s someone I want to continue the evening with.  If not, I find a way to get out of it early. 

He talked a lot about himself because I led the conversation that way.  It’s good to find out about him and reveal very little about myself.  He is 29, never been married, no kids, works for a dot com on the Eastside and lives in an apartment near the UW.  His entire large family lives up north not too far from me and I could tell he lives in Seattle is because it’s easier to commute from there and he likes the night life.  When he gets older he’ll end up in the suburbs near his family and do the long commute thing.  Despite his boyish charm and player good looks, he seems more the family guy than the perpetual bachelor type.  But that was not my concern right now.  I was interested in hanging out with him tonight and see what would happen.  Our chemistry was feeling strong already.

We ended up going to a house party at one of his friends’ in Seattle.  Nick and Teresa were a newly married couple and were having the first get-together in their first home together.  It was his intention to stop by there for a little while then we were going to a night club for dancing.

About an hour later we were ready to leave.

“Do you want to leave your car here and I’ll bring you back later?”  I knew I didn’t want to follow him in my car all evening so I agreed.

The club was already busy but since we got there a bit early, we were able to get in quickly and were lucky enough to find a small table next to a pillar which had an obstructed view of the dance floor.

We drank pomegranate martinis and danced a lot.  Gage was a sexy dancer and it got my blood flowing.  He was a total gentleman the whole time only holding my hand and holding my gaze with his intense eyes while we danced.

Sometime around midnight I decided I wanted to go home.  Not to my house but to his.  I’d decided early in the evening that I was not going home alone this night.

I leaned over and whispered in his ear “I think I’ve had enough dancing.  I’d like to see your place now.”

His smile went crooked as his confusion turned into comprehension.  He jumped up and paid the bartender and grabbed my hand and we were out of there in less than five minutes.  Out on the sidewalk Gage stopped in front of me and with his hands on my shoulders to steady me, he leaned in for a kiss.  Soft and tentative at first then quickly becoming heated and raw.  The butterflies came alive in my stomach.

He joked in the car with me how this had been my idea and that he was not this kind of guy.  I joked with him to relax that there was a first for everything and that I’d take the blame if anyone found out.

His apartment was on the 2^nd floor and we stopped on the landing between the floors and kissed for a few minutes.  At the door, Gage took out his keys and leaned over and kissed me again before unlocking it.

He made us a drink while I looked at his living room.  It was tidy with sparse furniture, only a big soft leather sofa, a large plasma TV, and a coffee table strewn with CDs and computer magazines.  I liked his selection of music and turned on the stereo. 

We started to slow dance to the song on the radio and the kissing and petting also started.  We made our way to the couch and he gently laid me down on it.  He started to say something and I put my finger to his lips to silence him.  I didn’t want to talk anymore. 

We made out for what seemed like an hour the whole time my clothes were slowly falling off me with the guidance of Gage’s hands.  I tugged at his shirt and managed to get all the buttons undone before he pulled it off.  His chest was almost bare; only a few hairs around his nipples.  He had a tight stomach and the ripples you get from many crunches.  He stood up, took off his pants and put a condom on.  He pressed his dick against me until my lips parted for his entry.  I gasped as he thrust deep inside me.  I thought I was going to lose my mind as he slammed himself in and out of me.  I felt the wave of intensity coming over me and I stifled a squeal.  He didn’t miss a stroke as he finished off with his own explosion.  We lay there against each other for a while trying to get our composure.

“I should go,” I said after I finished my drink.  “Will you call me a cab so I can go get my car?”

I was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and he was sitting on the other end rubbing my feet, a dopey smile on his handsome face.

“Are you sure you want to drive home?  It’s really late and we’ve had quite a bit to drink tonight.  And besides, I don’t know Nick’s address to give the cabby.  I can drive you there tomorrow first thing.  Come on, let’s make some food.”

He got up, put on shorts and made his way to his tiny kitchen.

I could see him from my vantage point on the couch.  I really didn’t want to go home, the thought of the whole ordeal to get to my car and drive 30 miles was too much to process.  I watched as he shredded cheese, diced bell peppers and onions, whipped up some eggs in a glass pitcher then poured them into the heated skillet.  He made toast smothered with butter and brought it all out on one big plate with two forks and a glass of juice.

He plopped down on the couch next to me and with the plate in hand he fed me the first bite. The omelet was delicious.  I teased that he was trying to lure me to stay and that it was working.  He handed me my fork and we finished off the plate and shared the juice.  I settled into the couch and he put in a video.  He squished in next to me and I smiled as I looked at his thoroughly tousled hair.  I began to run my fingers through it and was asleep within minutes.

I woke up really early in the morning.  The daylight was streaming in through the blinds.  I was alone on the couch, the blanket all twisted around me.  I got dressed and tip-toed down the short hall.  I could see Gage sleeping in his bed, the blankets twisted around him.  His room was slightly messy with clothes on the floor and a bunch of papers on the dresser.  He was gently snoring and looked so sweet.  Part of me wanted to crawl into bed next to him and wake him up for more of what we did the night before and the other part of me wanted to leave him sleeping peacefully.  Amazingly the ‘good’ side won out and I quietly left his apartment and called a cab from the sidewalk outside.  I knew where my car was.  I was smart enough to look at the street sign and house number before I got out of it. 

I’ve gotten too good at this I thought to myself.