3 posts tagged “kiss”

 

Champagne cocktail $9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strappy sandals $94

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Party dress…$200

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look on my face after RICK asked me to dance…

 

Priceless

 

I’m sure my face was contorted as I tried to mask my feelings of shock, horror and happiness.

I wanted to run, scream, slap him, kiss him.

All I could muster was a weak “sure” and headed to the dance floor.

 

He'd come out of nowhere.  The element of surprise was his advantage.  What was he doing here?  How long had he been here?  I was confused and pleased; annoyed and angry.

The song was an awkward tempo: not fast, not slow.  A medium-paced song that leaves the dance floor half empty. I looked at him and his cocky half smile.  I took in his straight white teeth and fresh-shaved face.  His expensive-looking shirt and the scent of his distinct cologne.  My stomach did a flip when he took my hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it.  I pulled it back quickly and thanked God the song was over and I could retreat back to my table.

 

The girls at the table looked curious as I sat down, ignoring the good-looking man following behind me.  I needed a second to get my composure.  He’d been gone from my life a long time and I thought my feelings for him - the good, the bad and the ugly - were subsiding.  I was wrong.  The chaos inside my head was overwhelming.

I never even thought about what I’d do in a situation like this because I never thought in a million years this would happen.  Utterly unprepared was I.  I’d put my defenses up; play it cool and uncaring.  But my heart won out as I realized I was just so damned happy to see him.  Playing games takes too much energy.

 

“Do you want to sit down?” Sandi asked Rick as she gestured to the chair next to mine that she’d vacated.  Rick looked at me questioningly as he sat.  I made the introductions then started firing off all the questions I had for him.  The club was loud, making our conversation difficult so I gave up.  Pretty much all I got was that his aunt had passed away; he was in Washington taking care of arrangements, was here with his cousin and was so glad to see me.  There was no way I was going to let bitterness ruin this reunion.  It could be a fun night, he’d leave in a few days and we’d get the good closure we didn’t get the last time we met.

Rick’s cousin joined us and we all danced and laughed and the hours ticked by like minutes.  I was having a really good time and was surprised when the countdown to midnight started.  Everyone in the club was chanting the numbers along with the newscasters at the Space Needle event on the big screen TV.  A collective “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” was yelled, glasses were raised, horns were blown and I got kissed.  A big, friendly, meant-to-be-platonic New Year’s kiss, but my heart flipped just the same.  I hugged Rick, said Happy New Year, and then excused myself to the ladies’ room.

 

He was waiting for me when I came out.  Waiting in the little alcove tucked to the side of the restroom entrances.  His smile was genuine as I walked toward him.  He took a step to close the distance and with one hand behind my head and the other on my waist, kissed me in a not meant-to-be-platonic way.

The warm glow I had was keeping me from resisting.  I had thought about this all evening, though I knew I shouldn’t and now his lips were on mine, moving down my neck.  His hand moved to my ass, pushing my pelvis into his.  I could taste the salt from my own body as he came back up to kiss me deeply.  It was much too much for a public place, even if we were out of the way of the main traffic.

 

“God, Dayna,” he sighed.  “I’ve missed you so much.”

 

I was speechless. The champagne, or probably the kiss, had cluttered my mind.  I smiled weakly and took his hands off my waist, still holding them in mine.  It would be the easiest thing in the world to tell him the same and take him home.  It would be so wonderful, I knew, but it was wrong for me.  All wrong.  I wasn’t capable of a hook-up with him.  After all this time I knew I still had feelings and a one-nighter would hurt me more than help me.  The memories of how good it was with him were tempting me.  I felt like a woman in a cartoon with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other – both telling her how to act.  The devil wanted self gratification and a good-bye fuck while the angel warned of all the trouble he’d caused me.

I sighed.

 

“I’ve tried hard to not think of you so I wouldn’t miss you. And that’s why I have to leave now.  Happy New Year, Rick.  Take care.”  I dropped his hands and started to walk away.  He was right at my side within seconds. 

“Let me drive you home.”

“It’s a bad idea.  Please, let’s talk tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he said reluctantly.

He walked with me to the exit and opened the cab door for me.  He leaned in and kissed me again, a goodnight kiss absent of the longing I felt in the last one. 

“Tomorrow…” he said as he closed the door.  I looked away but I was not quick enough.  His crooked grin was etched on my mind as I sat in silence on the ride home.

 

I was proud of myself for not giving in – as hard as it was.  It felt good to make the right choice.

 

 

I’ve been doing okay – plugging along.  Business is good, keeps me busy and on track on my personal journey to fitness.

 

I came down with a cold over the weekend and stayed in bed most of the time.  Jesse called to say hello and when he heard my stuffy-nosed voice, he must’ve felt sorry for me because a little while later he was ringing my doorbell with a brown bag in hand.

 

I laughed as he ‘admired’ the old sweats I had on.  Said he recognized them from high school.  Which isn’t true because anything I had back then wouldn’t fit me now (thank god) But he was right about one thing: they are really, really old.  There’s paint on them and they’re too short due to shrinking over the years and they are worn at the knees a bit.  They’ve served me well for chores and yard work but most recently they’re only worn when I don’t feel good.  Kind of a comfort thing.

 

“What’s in the bag?”  I asked.

“Just get on the couch and let Dr. Jess take care of you,” he laughed as he headed into my kitchen.  I heard him rummage around and after a few minutes he returned with a bowl of chicken soup and a Gatorade.

“Did you make this for me?”  I asked and on closer inspection realized it was chicken tortilla soup – one of my faves! 

“Unless I recently went to cooking school, no, but I did lovingly pick it up for you at that Mexican place you like.”

 

Oh yeah, that Mexican place I like.  The one I haven’t been to in a couple months.  The one Rick and I met at on our ‘getting acquainted dinner date” and then every Tuesday after that.

 

Jesse saw my expression change and asked me what that was all about.  I started to cry.  He immediately put his arms around me and held me tight.  He didn’t ask what was wrong, just held me.  He stroked my head and patted my back.  I got hold of myself after a couple minutes and then told him I was just so miserable with my cold that I felt like crying all of a sudden. 

 

He reached for my face and wiped a tear away.  And then out of the blue he leaned in and kissed me.  I saw it in his eyes before he did it and my defenses were so down that all I did was close my eyes and accept his kiss.  Tentative and sweet at first and realizing I was kissing him back, it deepened into a passionate kiss.  I didn’t pull away.  It felt so good.  He pushed on and his hand traveled down my cheek to my breast.  Then he abruptly stopped himself and stood up.

 

“Jeez, Dayna, I’m so sorry!  I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay.  Nothing to worry about except catching my cold.  And if you do, I’ll bring you soup.”  I smiled at him as he grabbed his coat. 

“Hope you feel better.  I’ll call you later,” he said lamely as he rushed out the door.

 

I sighed as I tasted my soup.  Jesse and I are always on different planes when it comes to us.  There’s always something in our way.  When he’s ready to go for it, I’m not.  And vice versa.

 

I suppose it's better this way.  

 

 

 

 

Do you ever feel like you’ve been caught in a tornado? Spinning, spinning, spinning out of control?

That’s me right now. I was living in the calm before the storm and didn’t even know it.

The last 5 weeks in a nutshell:

My dad had a stroke on April 1^st. It was far too scary to even think it was an April Fool’s joke.

He was hospitalized for several weeks.

Mom was a wreck.

Dad’s business had to be run.

My brothers are techies not contractors or businessmen.

I was daddy’s little girl growing up ~ always helping him in his office.

I’ve been running the business.

With Jesse’s help.

Yikes!

Please wake me up from this nightmare…

Shit, I’m not dreaming - This is my own personal spider web with me in the middle!

Jesse is a general contractor – residential. My dad is too but in commercial. After the stroke, the first thing he said to me is "take care of your mother first, the business second" Mom is from the old school, she was a trophy wife, never included in business things. I wanted to spend time with Dad so that meant being on job sites and in meetings and in the office. I learned how to run the business in my teens and worked for him on and off through the years.

His business is big and I knew in a minute that I needed help. Yes, he has managers and supers and all that, but it’s not the same as Dad doing what he does.

So Jesse has been in my life for a few weeks now. My plan was to hand it over to him until Dad’s well enough to take over. Jesse’s business needs his attention too so no matter how hard he worked, I had to be around more than I wanted to – with him I mean.

It’s okay though. He’s been a great help and we haven’t talked about "us" at all. I thought there was no "us". At least until a couple weeks ago.

He kissed me. We were working side by side on some invoices, me at the desk and him leaning down on an elbow next to me. We started to argue about something and when I looked up from the desk he kissed me. A full on, hard-mouthed kiss, hand behind my head so I couldn’t pull away. Instinctively I tried to but he had me locked in place. I squirmed and pushed at his chest but then something sparked in me and I relaxed and kissed him back. It went on for a good minute and then the phone rang. Thank God! I answered it, it was Mom with good news – Dad was being released from the hospital and would I come help her with him?

I bolted from the office saying "Dad’s being released – I’m going to go get him!"

So we got Dad settled in at home. He’s doing okay. Has some paralysis on his left side but the therapist said he’ll be able to overcome a lot of it with time and therapy.

I’ve seen Jesse a few times at my folks when he’s been there to talk about the business and mostly he’s just courteous to me. I guess he must be regretting what he/we did. I’m just embarrassed by the whole thing. I have Rob as a long-distance lover and things are going good with my neighbor Rick. He’s been such a nice friend to me through this tough time. I’ve been away from my place a lot and he’s been kind enough to hold my mail and paper for me and he even mowed my lawn a few times (funny how that came about, huh?) We actually did hit if off when we met for dinner that night weeks ago. He turned out to be just a nice guy who doesn’t have friends in the area and thought we could be friends. He’s really attractive and super-sweet and in another place and time, who knows? I’m just glad he’s been there to help. I guess things really do happen for a reason. So the last thing I need is Jesse kissing me.

My business has been busy too and luckily I can do most of my stuff from my laptop and phone with a few in-person-coaching sessions thrown in. I have a great network of friends and colleagues that can help, including Rob, who has really gone to bat for me. I’ve been referring some new clients to him – at least the ones who can do their thing long-distance. And he’s come out here to visit/help me twice in five weeks. He had business in Seattle that brought him this way and was able to stay with me for a couple of days each time. It was great to have him here to comfort me after a long hard day.

My Dad’s road to recovery is going to be tough and we have some hard decisions to make regarding his retirement but for now he’s hired Jesse as his right-hand man and I can help wherever possible. It’ll be good to get back to my "regular" life.

Life comes at you hard sometimes. It makes me all the more determined to have my things in order. If I get called away from my home and business at moments’ notice, it’s nice to know that my life is under control – at least the things on the surface. My personal life might be in chaos, but my house, yard and business look neat and tidy to those who may get a glimpse of it.